How and Why I became a Medical Marijuana Patient

It took me two years of dreaming and giving serious thought to becoming a Medical Marijuana patient in California before I applied for my MM card. During my tenure as care-giver working in the old Chief’s Home in Az., I threw my back out one day when Running Buffalo and Dodging Elk collided on the shuffle-board court during an Early Bird Dinner and Sweat Lodge event the home was putting on. From that day, my back was tweaked, physically and medically. I say medically, because I had proof so that doctors, who have never met each other, will one day concur on my medical condition. This proves to be important later.

So I had the x-rays and doctor’s records to prove I needed a card. This is how uneducated I first was to the Cali MM scene. I thought you needed something wrong with you in order to get a card…

So the serious guy I am, I gave it much thought whether it would be worth it to get a card and have access to legal WEED but then I would probably have to get posted on a federal list somewhere (don’t forget I did this during the G.W. Bush years, when there were enemies lists) or…or to score the way I always had, on the streets, not literally but close.

I’ve always abided by what the Great Sage had said, “To live outside the law, you have to be honest.”

When purchasing WEED through the underground or the black market, whatever you call it where non-card holders dwell, I tried to be cool. Minimize risk. Be smart. I don’t like to get busted or even have conversations with police unless we’re working together opposed to apart, when one of us could bust the other guy for just smoking some herb.

I feel I’ve had more than my fair share of police interaction during my time as a pot-smoking, street-buying illegal trafficker of Marijuana. Unless I’m standing in front of some court or judge promising this time, Your Honor, Sir… I am really sorry for sure…And I promise…I will never get busted again. (No convictions! Yeah! Lots of money spent to lawyers and therapists. Nay!)

That is the price you pay for not having a card. You can go to jail while someone else can smoke legally. That’s what it really gets down to if you’re not talking about real patients who really need WEED.

I’m borderline. Marijuana relaxes my back and takes away my back pain, always has, even before I had a card and I was smoking as a non-patient. This major difference now, I’m doing it legally.

Before I had my card, doctors were more than happy to experiment with my system as they tried to find the right drug to fight the daily back pain I was experiencing from morning to lights out. Most of the drugs made me feel drowsy or just put me to sleep at whatever hour. My HMO seemed like they had all the money in the world spinning the wheel and trying a drug de jour, fingers crossed that it will work.

I needed to do something and I’d been thinking about getting a Medical Marijuana for a while. I mean, I had a real reason to get a card, I just didn’t want on be on a list somewhere. I worried about flying and being strip-search with the new TSA H.C.F. (Human Cavity Finder, no colon or fold goes uncharted!)

I worried the local cops would have me on a list. I worried about a lot that has never happened.

I can’t believe how nervous I was when I went to the doctor’s office South of Market that one day four years ago, really wondering if I would qualify for MM card. Those were such innocent days.

After ten minutes of questions and the doctor perusing my x-rays and medical records- I actually brought documentation- I was able to receive a doctor’s recommendation. I know I’m a broken record on this but I want to remind everyone, we don’t get a prescription for Marijuana here, we get a recommendation from a doctor. We take that recommendation to the General Hospital (that’s way I did for a state card, you can get a local card that’s cheaper and less leg-work through other means.)

Six weeks later, I had a state ID with my picture on it, saying I am a patient and get this dude some WEED, stat.

This is by far the best decision I’ve ever made concerning WEED.

Next: Ten Things that is great about going to a dispensary instead of going to a dealer.

Next after that: Ten Things I miss about going to a dealer.


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    Editor: Joseph Klare (The Pothead Pundit)
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