Marijuana Eradication Ain’t What it Used to Be

You have to feel bad for the lame-asses of the Indiana State Police. Did I say lame-asses? I meant hard-working crime fighters.

You see, the good men and women of the ISP have a problem. Not enough people think marijuana is dangerous enough to give a shit about the ISP’s marijuana eradication efforts. Most people think it’s a grand waste of time and resources to have police officers flying around in helicopters, looking for plants. That’s right, it’s pity party time.

Earlier this month, Perras and a team of state troopers launched their annual outdoor campaign to eradicate cultivated cannabis. But as in years past, their war on drugs includes combating the public’s cavalier attitude toward pot.

“People have this attitude, ‘it’s just marijuana,’” said Perras. “That’s a sad misrepresentation of this drug.”

Maybe that’s because it is “just marijuana.” It’s just a plant. But oh so dangerous?

The increasing number of firearms that Perras has seen in his 20 years assigned to the marijuana-eradication program is a reminder, he said, that the growers he’s after are not the stereotypical mellowed-out pot-smoker of the past.

By why would farmers need weapons? Maybe it has something to do with the heavily armed douchbags who have come to destroy their plants and endanger their family.

As head of the state’s Domestic Cannabis Eradication/Suppression Program, Perras is charged with overseeing a staff of investigators devoted year-round to catching high-volume growers who reap a pound of marijuana off a single plant. The federally funded program, paid for with assets seized from drug dealers, has gone from a seasonal one to a year-round effort.

It now includes catching indoor cultivators who use a combination of hydroponics and advanced horticulture techniques to grow what Perras and other law-enforcement officials say is a much more potent pot than in years past.

But this year, Perras’ team is doing it with less money. His budget has dropped by about one-third — $250,000 less — than a year ago because of a shift in federal funding.

Times are tough. As things get worse, it makes less and less sense to have expensive helicopters in the air searching for plants that police officers then can waste all day burning. How about fighting crime instead of being a weed-puller? But have no fear, all is not lost:

Fewer dollars mean tipsters may be more important than ever before. State police have issued press releases in recent weeks encouraging the media to publicize the Indiana State Police Marijuana Tip Line at 888-873-1694.

See, snitching on your neighbor for growing a plant is free. And it will go a long way in making sure the Indiana State Police don’t have to do any actual police work. Top Douchbag Perras laments:

It’s making Perras’ job a little tougher this growing season, as if it wasn’t hard enough. “Marijuana will grow almost anywhere,” he said. “All it needs is sunlight and water.”

“All it needs is sunlight and water.” That’s because you’re spending your life hunting a plant. The old reefer madness claims don’t work anymore Mr. Perras. We can all see how useless your job is. We can all see how useless you are.

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Comments
3 Responses to “Marijuana Eradication Ain’t What it Used to Be”
  1. katie says:

    gosh. isn’t america great?

  2. Danielle says:

    Really sad to think of all that energy, time and money that could be used tracking down domestic violence perpetrators, rapists, and…just about anything else that ACTUALLY harms people.

    But um, how unintentionally hilarious to end their article that way.

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    Editor: Joseph Klare (The Pothead Pundit)
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